“Bullying simply does not have a chance to grow in a deeply developed culture of respect and caring.”
—Louise Hart & Kristen Caven, authors of The Bullying Antidote
No one wants to raise a bully…or a victim. The Bullying Antidote provides clear guidance for parents who want to raise resilient and confident kids, and protect themselves from bullying dynamics as well.
“Congratulations on a fine achievement! …The Bullying Antidote focuses on solutions.”— Dr. Laura Markham
Getting a shot is painful enough. Why should it also be traumatic? Here’s a flyer you can print and pass out to parents, doctors, and techs. It’s got a technique some pediatricians know about, but for some reason it’s not taught to all medical caregivers in med school. It should be!
Four years ago, we couldn’t have predicted the end of schoolyard bullying with the end of schoolyards. We didn’t expect a 21st century American president to become the living example of shameless, careless, righteous, unstoppable bullying behaviors.
Nate Jackson, who this year was named OUSD’s Teacher of the Year, is now the District’s Physical Education specialist. In this 2016 interview with me (author Kristen Caven), we shared our thoughts and insights on bullying—what it is and isn’t, how it happens on the playground, how P.E. can help.
When I asked Nate what was different now, he said, “Things haven’t changed much when it comes to bullying. I feel like it’s the opposite, now; everyone has to be even more careful because student self esteem is so fragile. We as teachers have to make extra sure that they, and adults, are connected with at school.” He continues, “It’s hard to make friends and connect though zoom. It’s hard for kids to read the emotions of others, and express how they’re feeling on Zoom.”
Technology creates new problems. “While some students have the technologies and family support, as well as a quiet place to learn, others are finding themselves the head of household while their parents are working.” But even these problems seem small compared to the bigger issues. “There’s sooooo much more going on that puts education on the back burner. We’re trying to understanding what really matters… education or survival?”
We’ve just updated our page of resources for schools. These are all programs that schools & school districts can purchase and employ. They all work to create more caring cultures. If bullying is a problem where you are, share this resource page with your school officials!
Today is the one-year anniversary of the Zorgos Awards ceremony to close the Zorgos Project. But Zorgos Day is every October 15th, a time to focus on solutions to bullying dynamics.
Zorgos is the Esperanto word for “I will take care.” What’s Esperanto? It’s an international language devised 130 years ago with the hope of uniting the world.
When I co-wrote The Bullying Antidote: Superpower Your Kids for Life with Dr. Louise Hart, we searched high and low for a word that sounded like a superpower yet perfectly symbolizes the opposite of and the cure for bullying dynamics.
When working with kids recently in the Upward Roots young changemakers program at a local elementary school, it was fascinating to see how quickly they came to the same idea. When asked to imagine a place where bullying never happens, they came up with groups of friends, classrooms, and families where people took care of each other.
Bullying is the careless use of power, seeing people as things, being wrapped up in negative emotions, acting selfishly without regard to consequences that may befall others. It’s different from making a mistake because it is persistent and deliberately targets those with less power. But bullying is also a dynamic of seeing others from a victim’s perspective and creating conflict where it need not exist. Most of the people in America can now, easily recognize bullying as it is constantly on display by the iconic resident of the White House. What was once thought to be a playground problem is now being seen as a social-emotional sickness that infects families, schools, communities, and political spheres.
Fortunately, the antidote is readily available and abundant in the world. Nature demonstrates that forces of nurture, of partnership, of cooperation and resource sharing are the dominant paradigm, not domination.
Join me today and every day in sharing this message:
I will take care of my children and family, of my friends and neighbors, of my city, of my work, of my world and essentially, of myself. I will create a culture of caring where bullying has no place.
Because “Bullying simply does not have a chance to grow in a deeply developed culture of respect and caring.” — The Bullying Antidote
Tag an image of yourself with the words #zorgos=I will take care.
Tomorrow, September 21, is the U.N. International Day of Peace. Peace Day has an impact on people and communities both before and after this global day, contributing to a “Culture of Peace.”
As defined by the United Nations, “Culture of Peace” is a “set of values, attitudes, modes of behavior and ways of life that reject violence and prevent conflicts by tackling their root causes to solve problems through dialogue and negotiation among individuals groups and nations.” Since its founding over 60 years ago, UNESCO (United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization) asserted that, “since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed.”
For the “8 Action Areas for a Culture of Peace,” CLICK HERE
For a description of the concept and history of the Culture of Peace, CLICK HERE
Kosmos Journal Interview: Ambassador Anwarul K. Chowdhury on the Culture of Peace – December 2015
Culture of Peace Talk with Ambassador Chowdhury, 2009
The concept of a Culture of Peace has now grown into a global movement.Within the Culture of Peace framework, peace embraces far more than an absence of conflict. It encompasses tolerance, disarmament, sustainable economic and social development, democratic participation, gender equality, freedom of expression and respect for human rights. The transition from a culture of war to a Culture of Peace requires the transformation of individual behavior as well as institutional practices. Learning to live in peace and harmony is a long-term process, and begins with the development of inner peace, and nurturing attitudes that promote the expansion and integration of peaceful principles. Education and awareness-raising play a key roles in this process.
A Masai greeting, a cleft palate, the education of girls, and global warming … What’s the bullying connection? Two stories of empowerment.
A Masai Woman and Child
In Karl Schonborn’s touching novel, Cleft Heart—chasing normal, a young man born with a cleft palate tries to figure out his place in the world, confronting prejudice, bullying, and violence. Bullied for unintelligible speech, he grows up to become a star debater at Yale.
Karl, who blogs about the connection between bullying and violent crime, will be publishing excerpts from The Bullying Antidote‘s first chapter this fall. The chapter, “All the Children Are Well,” uses a Masai saying as a lens to explore our cultural problems.
Sadly, Masai children are not all well, either. Girls are circumcised between 11 and 13, and forced into marriage with men of any age and become mothers when they are still children. Fortunately, their situation is improving as more girls become educated. (And did you know education of girls and women is one of the top three things we can do worldwide to reverse Climate Change?).
Click here to support the Masai Girl’s Education Fund.
Karl calls The Bullying Antidote “an in-depth trove of easy-to-implement strategies in abuse prevention.”
Have you seen Ikea’s “Bully a Plant” experiment? Try it yourself with your children or students with this great lesson plan and see what you learn.
“Bully a plant”, a live experiment with two IKEA plants and with thousands of children, was held to help to raise awareness around Anti-Bullying Day on May4th in the Middle East.
The live experiment involved IKEA taking two of its very own plants and installing them at the school, where one plant was fed compliments and words of encouragement, while the other was verbally bullied with hateful words. The students were encouraged to record their own voices to share their love with the first plant and give words of criticism to the second, either first hand or via social media interaction. After 30 days, the results spoke for themselves – while the complimented plant continued to thrive, the bullied plant was visibly struggling, and looking dull with droopy brown leaves.
Both plants were treated strictly the same: with the same amount water. Exposed with of sunlight, water and fertiliser. The only difference being, we said words of criticism to one plant, and words of encouragement to the other, for a span of 30 days. By the end of the experiment, the impressive results spoke for themselves.
More info: youtu.be
Source: IKEA Asks People To Bully This Plant For 30 Days To See What Happens, And Results Are Eyeopening
Here are some simple ZORGOS-based Protest signs that you can print out on any color 8.5×11 paper or cardstock.
Download pdf — print only the ones you want to use
Download docx — to customize/add your own—here are some more ideas.
Dr. Louise Hart stood on a chair at the end of the 2017 Zorgos Awards and shared something from her career as a parent educator: a wonderful exercise that teaches healthy touch. She learned about it in the International Journal for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse & Neglect, way back in the 1980s. Here’s an excerpt from The Winning Family, which inspired The Bullying Antidote.
Nurses would bring mothers who had been raised with abusive touch together with their children, for a cup of tea and a chance to change their natural instincts. This was such a hit they called it the “New Zealand Treat,” in which givers put their hands on the backs of receivers, and act out a “Weather Report.”
It’s important to establish that the body receiving the attention is in charge, and should be giving feedback. (More! Harder! Stop that!) The purpose is to inflict pleasure, not pain. One mother found that she was able to stifle the urge to hit her child by massaging his back instead—with far superior results!
Humans are hard-wired for touch. Teaching children to give and receive massage is as beneficial as teaching them to value exercise, hard work and a good diet. Read more about the benefits of massaging your child. In this high-tech society, there is more a need for high-touch than ever before. Read this article in EduTech for more thoughts on that.
But in a world where the climate is changing and we feel out of control, this give-and-take exercise allows children and adults alike to feel calmer, connected, and more able to cope. It also provides a way to talk about and plan for ways to hande climate disasters as our world changes every day.
Calm the climate in your home with this easy massage practice.
On October 15, 2017, to celebrate the mayorally-proclaimed Zorgos Day, we celebrated The Zorgos Awards with a delicious banquet at Oakland’s beautiful Bellevue Club.
Each nominee was introduced with a stack of words that represent qualities that make up Zorgos, the antidote to bullying, and the words were put into a suitcase. They received a certificate and a golden cape…to honor their ordinary superpowers!
Photo by Rich Luibrand • Click photo to hear the poet read
Henry Hitz, founder of Oakland Parents Together • Photo by Rich Luibrand
Effective listening is a key ingredient of The Bullying Antidote, and parent organizer Laquisha’s reputation as a good listener is well-earned. Her listening helps parents grow empathy, make better choices, build relationships with one another, and foster connections that reveal the wonderful truth of positivity: when we mutually support one another, we can overcome personal obstacles and difficulties and better help our children.
Photo by Rich Luibrand
“Ms. Langum” is known for her enthusiasm and directness, and using humor and empathy to create calmer situations. She sees the best in everyone, and guides those around her to positivity…all of these qualities contribute to a growth mindset, which creates expanded possibility and solutions, interrupting and replacing negative bullying dynamics with the opposite: friendship, self-esteem, hope. She loves little Buddhas.
The award was accepted by everyday hero, Dave Caven.
Genice Jacobs Simenauer’s work protecting young girls has put the spotlight on an area that urgently calls for prevention. Bullying is a human rights issue, and slavery, the highest (lowest?) form of bullying, needs to be abolished. AGAIN! Her work bringing this issue to public consciousness through a 2014 billboard campaign, her work on policy at the city and state levels, and her work educating parents and teachers through her “Abolitionist Mom” website all support and demonstrate the concept of assertiveness — the “gutsy middle road” away from both bullying and victimhood and towards personal empowerment.
Photo by Rich Luibrand • click it to see video of Genice’s inspiring acceptance speech.
All my ladies listen up / If that boy ain’t giving up / Lick your lips and swing your hips / Girl all you gotta say is… / My name is no / my sign is no / my number is no / You need to let it go! / I’m feeling untouchable…. — Meghan Trainor
Photo by Rich Luibrand • KRS-10 teaches Zumba at 8:30 on Wednesdays
Ron Lytle’s wonderful works of imagination for East Bay Children’s Theatre have made Grimm’s fairytales less grim, helping to heal a dark history of European childrearing. All of his works demonstrates character arcs towards virtue and happiness, and each show creates opportunities for positive, inter-generational community experiences. The arts as a renewable resource and a powerful primary prevention tool in teaching empathy. Thank you for helping us imagine more “Happily ever after!” These stories teach optimism and a growth mindset.
Photo by Rich Luibrand • Does it look like Ron is getting an idea for a new musical? We hope so!
Lamar’s presence and work at Oakland Tech, relating to students and developing programs such as REAL HARD and the African American Male Achievement/Manhood Development program, has been part of an upshift in the story of black boyhood in Oakland. His day-to-day attention to positive change and respect has helped a generation of what might have been “lost” children identify their strengths, new perspectives, and greater powers in a world that defines them by and aligns them with heavy and often deadly bullying dynamics. We honor his spirit of capability in changing a downward spiral to an upward spiral.
Lamar Hancock, Kristen Caven, Clidell Franceyez Jackson III, Dr. Louise Hart • Photo by Rich Luibrand
The 1987 publication of Jeanne’s book, TRIBES, and subsequent creation of the Tribes Learning Community program created a classroom revolution with Community Circles. When things are going “right” in Oakland Schools, it’s usually because there is some form of this practice, which creates connection, inclusion, and caring among students. The simplicity of circles is a tried and true way to promote social emotional learning, a fundamental ingredient in The Bullying Antidote! Mia Lang accepted for Jeanne Gibbs.
Photo by Rich Luibrand
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The “grand finale” put us all in mind of the fires burning north of us. Louise talked us through a simple backrub technique for healthy touch, featuring snowflakes, raindrops, hail, thunder, lightning, hurricanes, tidal wave, and a calm after the storm.
“Climate Calming” exercise • All photos by Richard Luibrand
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Nominees who were not able to make the banquet, but who are honored and appreciate just the same, are
Lynette Gibson McElhaney is a champion of evidence based, data-driven approaches to reduce violence such as Ceasefire and the new Department of Violence Prevention in Oakland. Children have a right to grow up without violence. Thank you Lynette, and the Oakland City Council for your foresight in moving Oakland from crisis mode to prevention mode.
Scott’s reporting on the widespread effects of trauma on Oakland’s children helped create awareness and empathy, leading to a greater understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Scott’s ground-breaking journalism helped empower those working to create change and build resilience. Understanding the consequences of trauma helps to create a deeper understanding of bully prevention.
A dog-walking upshifted the emotions of dogs from conflict to friendship in one Oakland neighborhood, approaching owners of aggressive behind-the-fence dogs so their pets could walk with the neighborhood pack. Their efforts were part of a renaissance, weaving a social structure where people would stop to say hello. The mood of the neighborhood changed from tense and fearful to open and relaxed. A key concept in bully prevention that, as mammals, our brains are wired for connection, and intentional positivity can replace the urge to fight for territory and self-preservation.
Steve’s leadership of The Warriors demonstrates democratic authority, the exemplary “middle road” between permissive and autocratic leadership. Being a public “upstander” has influenced other national sports leaders. Steve’s insistence his team “play with joy” counter-models the punitive autocracy that is often associated with sports coaching, and has allowed talent to thrive and happiness to infuse our city as we share the success of his team. Oakland has experienced great happiness due to the ripple-effect of his positive leadership.
We can all see joy, anger, sadness, disgust, and fear so differently now, so much more compassionately, thanks to the Pixar film Inside Out! We thank Pete Docter and Meg LeFauve for bringing the conversation of emotional literacy into the mainstream in a huge new way. It addressed not only the importance of all of our emotions, good and bad, and how different people experience emotion differently, but showed what can happen when we suppress our feelings. When parents understand brain science, they are more likely to use curiosity as an effective parenting tool that creates empathy and closeness, and less likely to identify behavior as “bad,”falling into traps of blaming, shaming, and punishing. Thank you for this beloved work!
NOTE: Nominations are still coming in.
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By the end of the night, the suitcase was full of words…just like how Oakland is full of solutions.
The date was chosen because of a mayoral proclamation for Oakland, but….
Nakeyma Randle, Kristen Caven, Dave Caven, Louise Hart, Vicki Luibrand, Sharon Fillion. Not pictured: Alice Wertz, Laurie Panther
Thank you to our musicians, Sara Klotz de Aguilar and Daniel Finnamore.
Photo by Rich Luibrand
The Bellevue Club is a social club hosting a rejuvenation drive. We are all social creatures, hardwired for relationships! Please call for a tour if you would like to learn more about joining. 510-451-1000
The Zorgos Reader 